We've all heard it.  People make mistakes.  We're only human.  And I believe that.  Really, I do.  But here's today's question: Why are my mistakes always the ones that are public, an embarassment, and make me want to give up my membership in the  "I'm a competent adult, really, I am" club?

Today's "mistake" was one of timing.  I use a Personal Information Manager on my computer.  I have a Palm Pilot that I (almost) faithfully synchronize with my Personal Information Manager.  I'm a 90s'-kind-of-Virgo, with organizational tools up the ying-yang.  In other words, I have no good reason or excuse for making a timing mistake.  Especially not one like this.

Some time ago, one of my professors told me that he was going to teach a master's-level class in social policy this summer.  And he'd like me to lecture to one of his classes.  After all, I've lived part of what he's teaching, and I'd be an interesting enough "show and tell" project for him to bring, I figured.  I said "Sure! I'd love to!"  I provided some comments on his proposed reading list, and recommended some additions that have been written since 1980, which he included in the final reading list.  We discussed when I would fit best into his schedule.  And we picked a date.

That date was ... well.. it was yesterday.  And for some unknown reason, until about an hour before the 2:30 p.m. start time of the class, I was preparing for it as though it were today.  I was gonna be good! I was ready! I'd done my homework!  But I was a day late (and a brick short of a load, as some of my Atlantic friends would say).

I've already said there are no excuses, or explanations.  I did, of course, apologize as soon as I realized what I'd done.  I left an apology on the professor's voice mail at school.  I tried him at home, but spared his entire family my mea culpa on their answering machine.  I wrote an email to the professor, apologizing, offering to appear another time.  I have yet to hear from him.. but of course, he has nothing work-related scheduled until his next class... next Tuesday. 

I do, however, know how it happened.  Last Wednesday, I was preparing to present an answer to last year's comp question on Polanyi, in a tutorial for the same professor.  At the end of that class, I confirmed with him that I'd be doing my presentation for his other class this week, and walked away.  In my head, I was due a week later.  On Wednesday.  That would be today.  Only it was supposed to be yesterday.

Okay, so making mistakes is human.  And I've always known I'm a flawed human.  But how to make sure it's a "self-correcting mistake", as my life partner would say, is the challenge that lies ahead of me.  I can promise myself (on pain of further self-beating with wet noodles) that I'll actually enter these things into one of my organizational tools instead of being sure I'll remember.  And mostly I do that.  I can decide not to do as much: I am clearly an over-achiever out of habit, not temperment, or I'd do it better!  Or, I can accept that I'll make mistakes, from time to time.

In my saner moments (when it's been longer since I made a major "boo-boo"), I tell myself and anyone else who will listen that I think we should judge errors on a percentage basis.  In other words, if someone is only committed to making four decisions and being in five places this week, then screwing up any of them is a higher-than-one-in-ten margin of error. If I, on the other hand, have ten decisions to make and ten places to be, and I screw one of them up, then my margin of error is just one in twenty.  In other words, those that do more are inevitably going to make more mistakes, but they may not be screwing up a larger percentage of commitments. 

But in my sanest moments, I know that many of us try to do so many things that we end up doing most of them badly.  I've probably reached that point.  But so far, I can't figure out what to stop doing.  So, I've erred.   I'm human.  Is my professor divine? Will he forgive? Stay tuned for further developments.

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