My friend Dunkel says this "I'm free!" feeling is like post-coital bliss -- short-lived indeed.  So far, it's lasted longer than any post-coital bliss I remember in a long time! 

It's not that there is nothing to do.  Au contraire.   There is much to do, and some of it overdue.  It's not that there is no stress.  The "to-do" list is daunting and the phone continues to ring, and my commitments for the coming months are like thorns in my peace of mind.

There is the homelessness project (and web site) to launch in less about a month.  There is another web site that should have its new pieces done and in place in a month.  There is the business plan to write.  The course to register for and complete.  The refugee family to support.  And there are the volunteer commitments: more web sites, cheque-signing for several weeks, the family tree to develop.  And then there is my "life", that quaint word used to refer to relationships and spirituality and all those things that can't be articulated on the "to-do" list.  And finally, there is maintenance.  Laundry.   Cooking.  Shopping.  Home-making.  Even without the daily challenges and rewards of in-residence young children, I am daunted (and somewhat stressed) by this list.

But still, I feel free.  There is not the pressing feeling -- irritating and persistent -- that there is a greater cause that needs tending.   There are no more exams.  Imagine that.  Just like that.  Over.   When my work is done (and it is, on a daily basis), I can read.  It's true that I can hear a variety of books calling to me, some a part of crossing things off that list above, some junk, some inspirational.  But I can choose to read junk, at least occasionally.  Ah, the freedom of it all!

In the absence of overarching pressures, of course, the old life challenges return.  What is the right balance between solitude and sociability? Between serenity and stimulation?  Between nurturance for the self and one's family and engagement with others?  Between the comfortable and the exhilirating?  The difference is: I can ponder these questions again. I can experiment -- try on different mixes, see how they "fit" and try on another combination, until I find the custom-designed balance that works for me.

Of course, just when I find that balance, I'll change, or life will change.  And I'll need to find a new balance. But this is the stuff of which "normal" life is made.  And it is the stuff that is ample evidence that I am free indeed.

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