Well, today is a better day.  I actually started reading the material, and found it somewhat interesting.  I also owe Karl Polanyi an apology; he was writing in English, and the only translation happened in his own head.  English wasn't his first language, but he did way better in it than I would in a second language. And, I've concluded, that he got more brilliant since I last read him almost two years ago.  (Nevermind that the text was written fifty years ago!)We (my life partner and I) also went software shopping today. Another side benefit of being a student is incredibly cheap software. Office 2000, Front Page 2000, Lotus Smart Suite Millenium, Dreamweaver, and Adobe Pagemill all for under a thousand bucks Canadian.  The saves on that alone probably pays half the tuition. Of course, not all of the software is for me, personally, as I can't do web stuff worth beans, but my partners will put it to great use!

Today's intellectual puzzle (other than deciphering some of Polanyi's choice of words) was whether being really brilliant just sets you up for endless criticism.  I was thinking in particular of Jurgen Habermas (who was the subject of discussion in one of my tutorials, held today).  He creates this unbelievable view of the world, based, he says, on attempts to determine the enduring, universal values that underpin human development and communication.  He's been working on it for forty years, and continues to write now, debating in print with John Rawls.  But mostly, we learn about his inconsistencies: How would his hypothesis hold up in the face of a contemporary political philosopher from China who might argue that open communication in China has not, and cannot, lead to democracy at this time?, we ask.  If he weren't so smart, we might not expect perfection from him.  Or maybe he simply should have been more modest, and not tried to come up with universal truths.  After all, a huge school of academics and thinkers (not to mention many of my friends and colleagues) are sure that all truth and knowledge is socially constructed anyway.  At least Habermas avoided the tempation of the "abyss of post-modernism", as one prof described it. 

I suppose I've concluded that being too smart just raises expectations too high.  Of course, I don't think I'm at risk of doing that. Although I may already have raised expectations too high, just be registering as a doctoral students, but we'll see.  I'm like an alcoholic giving up alcohol for sobriety;   I give up freedom and time and adventure for the academy.  I figure I'll take this school thing one day at a time.  I may decide to get drunk on life and quit school, but not today. And probably not tomorrow.

Today, or in what's left of it, I'll read another modern writer who has harkened back to Polanyi. Tomorrow, I'll prepare a presentation on the great thinker himself, and give that presentation to my colleagues and two profs.  And then it will be the next day, and I can decide then whether to study or get drunk on life.   Stay tuned!

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