Where to start.  I've been reading so many on-line journal entries, but none of them first entries.  With forty-seven years behind me, there's no hope of catching up, even if it were sufficiently interesting to warrant the effort to write or read it. So, let's start with the immediate thoughts.

I'm excited to be doing this -- writing an on-line journal.   I'm excited about the possibilities that lie before me, and about what I might learn as I understake this new venture.  I'm hoping it's a stress-reducing activity, rather than a stress-adding activity: I'm anticipating enough stress over the next ten weeks, without intentionally adding more.

Why the anticipation of stress? Well, as a part-time doctoral student (in public policy), I get to write comprehensive exams this summer. And, as a part-time doctoral student, it's been more than a year since I've read some of the material we're required to master. And, as a part-time student, I'm also a more than part-time consultant, who is madly trying to clear a seven-week window of opportunity to focus on preparing for these exams.

There are, of course, opportunities lost when others are undertaken. What's burning me up today is that I had to say "no" to a fat contract writing a report that I've already done much of the research for, and for a new client at that.  It's the reasonable thing to do, and the right thing to do.   But as all consultants know, it's dangerous to say "no" at the best of times.  And it's even more dangerous when there are debts to be paid, and expenses mounting.

Maybe they'll hire to me to write other things after I've done the comps. And maybe they won't.  Maybe I'll feel relieved and vindicated in clearing the time to train the mind for this intellectual marathon.  Or maybe it will just annoy me more as I spend time preparing materials I've already been examined on, so that those who were tortured as doctoral students can get their revenge by torturing a new generation of doctoral students.  Isn't the academy grand?

Welcome to my world!

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